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12 Books for Grieving Mothers
I’ll Hold You in Heaven: Healing and Hope for the Parent Who has Lost a Child through Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Abortion or Early Infant Death by Jack W. Hayford Jack Hayford is founding pastor of The Church on the Way. He uses scripture and refers to God often in this book to show that we will hold our children in heaven one day. I enjoyed this book and how it helped me think of God, even in the darkest of times. Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg Kathe Wunnenberg wrote this from her own personal experience. She had three miscarriages and a stillbirth herself, so the pain of loss…
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Online Support Groups for Pregnancy and Infant Loss
When I lost Jay, I started looking in to support groups. I wanted to find other people who had lost their child during pregnancy, so that I could have someone to relate to. I was blown away by how many people have experienced pregnancy and infant loss. I did not think this was something that was “normal”, but I soon found out it was. I had always thought, if you made it past the first trimester you were in the clear. Nothing would happen because people only lost their babies during that first trimester. Even after our friends baby was stillborn at 39 weeks, I thought that was just so…
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Thoughtful Gift Ideas for a Grieving Mother
I have received many thoughtful gifts from several wonderful friends. Gifts are definitely not a must, but are very considerate. If you are looking for ideas on what to do for someone, here are some suggestions based on items I received that brought me comfort in some way. My school FamiLE brought a basket of goodies by when I got home from the hospital. It was full of snacks, magazines, crossword puzzles, and cards. They also sent a plant that I planted in my flower bed. Different people from my school and many friends of ours made sure we had dinner almost every night for the first two weeks after…
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Breaking the Silence-What do you say?
Everyone processes loss differently. No two people will ever grieve the same way. One thing is true, loss SUCKS! Losing a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or really anytime is not talked about enough. I think this is because it’s so unimaginable. Children should not pass before their parents. A child should not die in the mother’s womb, where ithey’re supposed to be completely protected. I know some people don’t think a baby is a baby until it’s born. I challenge them to say that after they’ve seen or held their stillborn child, perfectly formed weighing only one pound. All lives really do matter. You may not know what to say…
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Happy Mother’s Day to All Mothers
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the women with children in their arms, miles away, in their heart, and in heaven. Today is a day that we honor all mother’s, but some remain unnamed because their babies are not here on Earth and were only here for a short time. I feel that all children should be honored, no matter when the loss occurred. Whether you only carried your baby for a few weeks, a few months, until the day of your due date, a few months after they were born, or years after they were born. We must continue to share our stories and break the silence. Our children…
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I am 1 in 4
The term 1 in 4 hits so close to home for me. 1 in 4 women will have a miscarriage and 1 in 160 will birth a stillborn child. Stillbirths are not common but are not rare. They happen more often than you think they do. At the time I was pregnant with Jay, 3 of my best friends were also pregnant. We talked about what life would be like with our children being within 7 months of each other. We were excited that we would have children that would be so close in age to each other and grow up together. I was the 1 of the 4…
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Memorial for Jay
These are the exact words spoken at the memorial service to remember Jay. Matt Casson, the pastor, did a wonderful job of remember and thinking of Jay. I don’t think we could have chosen a better person to speak for our sweet Jay. Baby Jay Martin Rodriguez Saturday September 12, 2015 – 10:00 A.M. PSALM 121: I will lift up my eyes to the hills Where shall my help come from? My help comes from the Lord! Maker… of heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip – He who keeps you will not slumber… Behold, He who keeps you Neither slumbers nor sleeps! The Lord is…
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In Memory of Jay
We held a memorial to honor Jay’s short life. It was very hard going to a funeral home to plan services for our son that was stillborn. The funeral home was very compassionate and did a great job getting everything ready for us. We had to pick out various items for the service and make decisions on what was to be done during the services. I remember sitting in the cold, dark room of the funeral home thinking, “I shouldn’t be doing this!”, “Something isn’t right!”, and “WHY!”. We put a lot of thought in to the things we picked and hoped that they would honor Jay. We…
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Baby Jay quotes, poems, and scriptures
I compiled quotes, poems, and scriptures that I read many, many times and still do that have helped me in the healing process. I know it may sound horrible, but it helps me to know that there are other people out there like me. On the other hand, it absolutely sucks that there are other people out there like me. All of the following came from searches that I did online, I just wanted them all in one place to refer back to. Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold…
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The weeks that followed
I don’t remember much from the first few weeks after I delivered Jay. Certain things stuck with me but as far as details and specific timing of some things, they’re very hazy. I remember being confused, angry, mad, and in denial. I find comfort in words. I started looking for quotes, songs, and books to read. First, I started searching Google to find words of encouragement, happiness, motivation; something to tell me it’s ok. I created a separate blog with all of the quotes, poems, and scriptures that I found during my search. I looked at them often and tried saying them to myself constantly. I then started looking for…
