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Happy Father’s Day to All Fathers!
Happy Father’s Day to all of the father’s out there! I know how infant loss can affect mothers, because I am a mother who has lost her child. I am not so sure how infant loss affects fathers, I’ve never felt loss in their shoes. My husband was very strong for me. I have only seen him cry a handful of times in the 18 years we’ve known each other. One of those times was when we lost Jay and a few times in the months that followed. He was heartbroken, but I could tell he also felt he needed to be strong for our family. I hope all fathers…
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12 Books for Grieving Mothers
I’ll Hold You in Heaven: Healing and Hope for the Parent Who has Lost a Child through Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Abortion or Early Infant Death by Jack W. Hayford Jack Hayford is founding pastor of The Church on the Way. He uses scripture and refers to God often in this book to show that we will hold our children in heaven one day. I enjoyed this book and how it helped me think of God, even in the darkest of times. Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg Kathe Wunnenberg wrote this from her own personal experience. She had three miscarriages and a stillbirth herself, so the pain of loss…
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Online Support Groups for Pregnancy and Infant Loss
When I lost Jay, I started looking in to support groups. I wanted to find other people who had lost their child during pregnancy, so that I could have someone to relate to. I was blown away by how many people have experienced pregnancy and infant loss. I did not think this was something that was “normal”, but I soon found out it was. I had always thought, if you made it past the first trimester you were in the clear. Nothing would happen because people only lost their babies during that first trimester. Even after our friends baby was stillborn at 39 weeks, I thought that was just so…
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Breaking the Silence-What do you say?
Everyone processes loss differently. No two people will ever grieve the same way. One thing is true, loss SUCKS! Losing a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or really anytime is not talked about enough. I think this is because it’s so unimaginable. Children should not pass before their parents. A child should not die in the mother’s womb, where ithey’re supposed to be completely protected. I know some people don’t think a baby is a baby until it’s born. I challenge them to say that after they’ve seen or held their stillborn child, perfectly formed weighing only one pound. All lives really do matter. You may not know what to say…
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I am 1 in 4
The term 1 in 4 hits so close to home for me. 1 in 4 women will have a miscarriage and 1 in 160 will birth a stillborn child. Stillbirths are not common but are not rare. They happen more often than you think they do. At the time I was pregnant with Jay, 3 of my best friends were also pregnant. We talked about what life would be like with our children being within 7 months of each other. We were excited that we would have children that would be so close in age to each other and grow up together. I was the 1 of the 4…
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The weeks that followed
I don’t remember much from the first few weeks after I delivered Jay. Certain things stuck with me but as far as details and specific timing of some things, they’re very hazy. I remember being confused, angry, mad, and in denial. I find comfort in words. I started looking for quotes, songs, and books to read. First, I started searching Google to find words of encouragement, happiness, motivation; something to tell me it’s ok. I created a separate blog with all of the quotes, poems, and scriptures that I found during my search. I looked at them often and tried saying them to myself constantly. I then started looking for…
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Finding out about losing Jay
The day we found out we lost Jay was one of the worst days of my life. I was in complete denial and thought is was all a bad dream that I would soon wake up from. Two weeks before, I had come home from work exhausted, after all I was 22 weeks pregnant and a teacher at the beginning of the school year. It was the first week of school for students, but my third week in a new school district. I didn’t know many people, which I think made things a little bit more difficult. I laid down on the couch to rest and Baby J started moving…
