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Do you believe in Rainbows after the storm?
After we lost Jay, life was kind of a haze for a while. I was angry, shocked, in disbelief, in denial, hurt, sad. You name it and I had those feelings in the first few months that followed. It took me 10 months to get pregnant with my daughter and 7 months to get pregnant with Jay. A few months after losing Jay and having multiply tests run on me to see if something was wrong with me, my doctor asked about birth control. I really hadn’t thought about it, much less anything else. My husband and I talked and decided since it took a while to get pregnant with…
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In Memory of Jay
We held a memorial to honor Jay’s short life. It was very hard going to a funeral home to plan services for our son that was stillborn. The funeral home was very compassionate and did a great job getting everything ready for us. We had to pick out various items for the service and make decisions on what was to be done during the services. I remember sitting in the cold, dark room of the funeral home thinking, “I shouldn’t be doing this!”, “Something isn’t right!”, and “WHY!”. We put a lot of thought in to the things we picked and hoped that they would honor Jay. We…
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The weeks that followed
I don’t remember much from the first few weeks after I delivered Jay. Certain things stuck with me but as far as details and specific timing of some things, they’re very hazy. I remember being confused, angry, mad, and in denial. I find comfort in words. I started looking for quotes, songs, and books to read. First, I started searching Google to find words of encouragement, happiness, motivation; something to tell me it’s ok. I created a separate blog with all of the quotes, poems, and scriptures that I found during my search. I looked at them often and tried saying them to myself constantly. I then started looking for…
