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The weeks that followed
I don’t remember much from the first few weeks after I delivered Jay. Certain things stuck with me but as far as details and specific timing of some things, they’re very hazy. I remember being confused, angry, mad, and in denial. I find comfort in words. I started looking for quotes, songs, and books to read. First, I started searching Google to find words of encouragement, happiness, motivation; something to tell me it’s ok. I created a separate blog with all of the quotes, poems, and scriptures that I found during my search. I looked at them often and tried saying them to myself constantly. I then started looking for…
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Delivery Day
I woke up early to shower and get things ready for the day with tears streaming down my face. We dropped Michaela off at daycare very early and headed to the hospital. It was a long, quiet drive. What do you say when you know you are on the way to the hospital to deliver your child, but you won’t be taking him home? When we walked through the hospital doors, I lost it. I could not believe I was walking in to a hospital where I was about to deliver my baby who was no longer alive. My husband embraced me and helped me walk to the elevator. Still…
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Finding out about losing Jay
The day we found out we lost Jay was one of the worst days of my life. I was in complete denial and thought is was all a bad dream that I would soon wake up from. Two weeks before, I had come home from work exhausted, after all I was 22 weeks pregnant and a teacher at the beginning of the school year. It was the first week of school for students, but my third week in a new school district. I didn’t know many people, which I think made things a little bit more difficult. I laid down on the couch to rest and Baby J started moving…
